F is for Funk

sometimes i get in this weird funk.
it's like a volcano waiting to erupt, really.

i think lack of sleep was the culprit this week.
me being required to wake up before the sun rises just isn't realistic.
i hope my babies inherit the talent of sleeping in from me... who i am kidding, right?
i was even poked (poked!) by a kid behind me in class on tuesday because my head was bobbing.
sleep.
i really like my sleep.

anyway, back to my funk.
the day of the eruption i usually feel completely uninspired, void of thought, dormant, etc.
like yesterday for example.
i thought, i should write something for my blog. but nothing came. so i gave you a quote. that's all i had.
but i know inside my thoughtless funk, i have a billion emotions that need to be released.
hence, the eruption.
but in this funk, i can't pinpoint them all.
i don't even know where to begin!

so yesterday,
i was worrying a lot about the future.
ya know, that girl thing where we like to plan plan plan??
and make sure we are prepared?
and pack way more outfits than we need for a vacation, because you never know if you'll need it?
well, i kind of feel very unprepared for my future.
it's just kind of scary, this grown up stuff, ya know?
the unknown?
i know i just need to tell myself over and over that i'm going to make mistakes, i probably won't get things right the first time around, i have time, it'll be okay, etc...
but in that funk of mine, i tend to forget.

lincoln knew something was up.
intuitive little guy.
but i honestly didn't know what was wrong.
nothing was wrong at all, really.
i didn't know what to say.
i'm thankful he kept prying instead of giving up on me.
i could tell he was frustrated.
but prying, he did.
and then the eruption began.
things i didn't even know were bottled up in my little head and they started to pour out.
and he listened and calmed me and told me everything would be okay.
and not in an "i'm only saying everything will be okay because i don't know what else to say" kind of boy-way.
i really believed him.
he might not have believed me in my quiet tearful "okay" replies
but i did feel better.
after we got off the phone
i got in the shower and just had a good sob session. i let the water run over my face and mix with the tears.
sometimes it's just what you gotta do. okay, well maybe it's just what i have to do.
let's face it. i'm an emotional person. okay, i'm an extremely emotional person.
but letting the tears flow is the gateway to my freedom from the funk! hah!
oh, the funk.
i'm pretty much always on the verge of tears spilling out of my ducts.
the news, an obituary of someone i don't even know, anything nienie writes, extreme home makeover, biggest loser, happy things... pretty much anything will get me.

okay, maybe i should rename this blog "all about lincoln" but i have to say this...
i think one of the most amazing things about him is that
he is the calm to my storm.
an obvious contrast to the past

i feel safe and at a peace.
and can i just say, that is HUGE for me!
don't get tired of hearing it because every day i love that boy more and more.

today it was because he was patient enough to help me get out of my funk.





thanks, lincsta.