12.03.2009

F is for Funk

sometimes i get in this weird funk.
it's like a volcano waiting to erupt, really.

i think lack of sleep was the culprit this week.
me being required to wake up before the sun rises just isn't realistic.
i hope my babies inherit the talent of sleeping in from me... who i am kidding, right?
i was even poked (poked!) by a kid behind me in class on tuesday because my head was bobbing.
sleep.
i really like my sleep.

anyway, back to my funk.
the day of the eruption i usually feel completely uninspired, void of thought, dormant, etc.
like yesterday for example.
i thought, i should write something for my blog. but nothing came. so i gave you a quote. that's all i had.
but i know inside my thoughtless funk, i have a billion emotions that need to be released.
hence, the eruption.
but in this funk, i can't pinpoint them all.
i don't even know where to begin!

so yesterday,
i was worrying a lot about the future.
ya know, that girl thing where we like to plan plan plan??
and make sure we are prepared?
and pack way more outfits than we need for a vacation, because you never know if you'll need it?
well, i kind of feel very unprepared for my future.
it's just kind of scary, this grown up stuff, ya know?
the unknown?
i know i just need to tell myself over and over that i'm going to make mistakes, i probably won't get things right the first time around, i have time, it'll be okay, etc...
but in that funk of mine, i tend to forget.

lincoln knew something was up.
intuitive little guy.
but i honestly didn't know what was wrong.
nothing was wrong at all, really.
i didn't know what to say.
i'm thankful he kept prying instead of giving up on me.
i could tell he was frustrated.
but prying, he did.
and then the eruption began.
things i didn't even know were bottled up in my little head and they started to pour out.
and he listened and calmed me and told me everything would be okay.
and not in an "i'm only saying everything will be okay because i don't know what else to say" kind of boy-way.
i really believed him.
he might not have believed me in my quiet tearful "okay" replies
but i did feel better.
after we got off the phone
i got in the shower and just had a good sob session. i let the water run over my face and mix with the tears.
sometimes it's just what you gotta do. okay, well maybe it's just what i have to do.
let's face it. i'm an emotional person. okay, i'm an extremely emotional person.
but letting the tears flow is the gateway to my freedom from the funk! hah!
oh, the funk.
i'm pretty much always on the verge of tears spilling out of my ducts.
the news, an obituary of someone i don't even know, anything nienie writes, extreme home makeover, biggest loser, happy things... pretty much anything will get me.

okay, maybe i should rename this blog "all about lincoln" but i have to say this...
i think one of the most amazing things about him is that
he is the calm to my storm.
an obvious contrast to the past

i feel safe and at a peace.
and can i just say, that is HUGE for me!
don't get tired of hearing it because every day i love that boy more and more.

today it was because he was patient enough to help me get out of my funk.





thanks, lincsta.

14 comments:

CaLLie.ANN said...

Sometimes I feel like you are writing my diary for me. Like, you and I are the same person who deal with things in the exact same way.

...except I'm missing a Lincoln.
(the bf kind, not the lincoln logs)

Meg Fee said...

i just emerged (a week and a half ago now) from my own personal funk. it lasted two months. and i have no idea what it was about. or why it lasted so long. it was awful. but i feel so good now to be in the clear (for the time). i can breathe again. you said it perfectly. i can relate to all of it. nothing better than a good cry. now i just need my own lincoln to help pull me out a bit sooner. he sounds like a really good one--hold onto him!!

love, love,
meg

J said...

You just took the words out of my mouth. I've been struggling with how to describe my own funk for so long, and you just did it in your own way.

Lincoln is an amazing person for listening.

Mike and Sarah said...

Oh I definitely hear you on being in an unexplainable funk!! I love how much you love Lincoln and how much he obviously loves you!!

Jo-Anne said...

Hang in there....you have a lot going on right now. My mantra for the last little while is, "It is what it is". (I adopted that mantra however, AFTER I had a nervous breakdown on the phone with dad about a month or so ago!)

;)

Bathwater said...

Way to go Lincoln, most of us guys tend to try and fix instead of listen. I totally believe once in a while people need to pop their emotional cork, one way or another.

katrina said...

i love how you just expressed so much of what i and so many others have been feeling. its good to know we're not alone.

yay for lincoln and others alike!

Mandy said...

I am just like you.
The same thing happened to me last night.
I'm so happy you have Lincoln friend.

Anna said...

i am ridiculously emotional as well....and just crying for a long time is so nice. and having a boy to help you get through it is nice too.

marierin said...

I know how you feel. I cried over an obituary of someone I didn't know the other day too! Glad someone else cares too much as well.

Lindsay Kay said...

Yep! Been there. Even wrote that "moods" blog post about it. Haha! I love you, Jalene and you have an awesome future ahead of you. Things won't be perfect, but if they were they'd be boring...and you have a great guy to remind you of those things day to day (and friends of course)! Love you!

P.S. Biggest Loser makes me cry, too! :)

Chess said...

Oh my goodness! I am so glad to hear that I'm not the only one who cries in Biggest Loser and Extreme Home Makeover! ;-) Also, I know how those funks are, and I'm glad you have someone to help get you out of them. :)

.M@k3nZ!e. said...

wow, i totally feel like you just explained exactly what I have been feeling lately. And i had a sobbing moment in the shower the other day..i felt so much better after. Sometimes it helps to cry your eyes out. ;)

Doug and Britt said...

hi! i was wondering if you had ever heard of the song by Lifehouse called "Everything?" It's very very good and if you haven't already heard it, I think you would really love it.