Quite Honestly

every single day I wake up in pain...
the broken kind of pain.
the cry-so-much-you-want-to-throw-up kind of pain.

quite honestly,
choosing happiness is a daily struggle.
somehow, there is a little piece of me that still believes.
believes in love.
the magical kind.
no, not my dashing-prince-coming-to-rescue-me magical kind.
the I will love you for every quirk, imperfection, talent, and wrinkle kind.
the I will hold your hair back during morning sickness kind.
the I will be there every step of the way through chemo kind.
the forever kind.

I still believe that exists for me.

slowly, but surely I'm picking up every shattered piece of myself and am trying to put it back together.
the pieces that so carelessly were broken because of a, "I don't love you enough."

this is what blogging is for me.
my outlet.
my reminder of who I am, what I stand for, what makes me ME!
and I really like me.
and I want someone else to really like me.

so I wanted to thank you,
thank you all for commenting and making me feel....... loved.
I love new readers because YOU change my life with your beautiful blogs.
all of you are amazing and beautiful and totally inspiring.

thanks for making my week brighter.

for reals.


danika jane said...

You will have your prince charming. You are too beautiful and sweet to get anything less! Keep your chin up sweetie ;)

katrina said...

i know how bad heartache hurts. but it will make the real deal so much sweeter. hang in there. :] "The future is as bright as your faith." -pres monson :]

Whitney said...

Love you

CaLLie.ANN said...

I'm one of those new readers. :) ...and I think you write beautifully and am 100% inspired by your outlook on life. Thanks for motivating me to better myself.

7upkels said...

Oh my, you are darling. I wish you the best, because I have had those bad days too. Although I don't know you, your personality shines through your writing, and you will find a man who is rather lucky to have you :)
Have a fabulous Sunday!

Be one with the Fro said...

oh man...i definitely have days like this. feels like everyday sometimes. i recently went through some drama dealing with men & although it hurts getting burned, i still believe love is out there for me...like it is for you. just don't stop believing! have a marvelous sunday! xx

Leon said...

You are beautiful, Jalface. It was great to hang out with you yesterday. Summerfest was great. The rain was great. The fahzookie (spelling?) was great.

kelli christine case said...

you hold onto that. that little teeny tiny part of you that believes in love. i know it seems like you're only fooling yourself into believing in it still, but it's there and it is real. focus on that little part that still believes. it'll grow! big and strong. nurture it cause it's there.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations and GOOD JOB on choosing happiness. Even though it is obviously the better choice a lot of people have a hard time choosing it. You are a great inspiration. I am one of your new readers... and am completely addicted. :D
You make me want to compliment every person I talk to and say something good about my life every time I feel down.

Your Parents said...

Parents shouldn't read blogs - it is too painful. Our home is filled with so much love for you, about 22 years from us, and many years of love from friends and family. Everywhere I look and every thought I have is about our Jalene. Remember that you already have someone else who "really likes you," just believe it!

Mandy said...

Hi, I'm Mandy.

And sadly enough, I know exactly how you feel, because I am experiencing the same thing.

But this post reminded me that if you can do it, so can I.

I love your blog - and think we should be friends.

Kimberly Julie said...

Your writing is absolutely beautiful, and I know exactly what you mean about choosing happiness being a daily struggle... I am just barely holding onto a difficult relationship (I am about to move out of the country next month for some undetermined amount of time) and I know that if it should fall apart, every morning without him is going to be the most painful of my life.

I have been so touched lately by this blogging community that we've all got going on here, and I am so very glad that you have been, too!

heisschic said...

i know this is cliche--- but there's a reason it didn't work out before. when i was in your shoes, my matra was something along the lines of "why wait, why sacrifice, why give your heart to someone who doesn't love you." i realized that i had the power to stop letting him hurt me, the power to stop letting him control my emotions.

i spent a good portion of time without anyone- learning "me" better.

and now i have a *him* who actually cares.

there's hope! you are amazing-

.M@k3nZ!e. said...

Jalene, I love reading your blogs! : )
I'm sorry you're going through this. boys are dumb.
But when you're least expecting it, Mr. Right will walk into your life.
You will find someone who loves you for YOU! You don't deserve anything less.

Brittany said...

Oh I know exactly how you feel, I do. I don't even know you but I feel like I do a little! Thanks for being honest.

And I think it gets better eventually :)

Anonymous said...

Forgive me, you don't know me and I don't know you, but today at my long monotonous day at work i stumbled across your blog. I stayed for a while.

I'm sorry to see such a pretty girl like you seem so sad.

jasmine said...

:) i love you, jalene! i'm glad that you believe that someone will love you the way you deserve!

p.s. were you able to figure out the padding thing? your page doesn't look squishy so i guess you did. :)

Anonymous said...

Someday our "princes" will come, but until then keep livin' it up and loving life as you do so well!

Chess said...

I know Kristin. But I don't know you. But I think you write beautifully. Thank you for sharing!

marierin said...

Beautiful! Every bit. Thanks!