3.02.2009

The Road

Do you ever wonder if you're doing the right thing with your life?
For instance, today I just kept thinking about how restricted I feel. I absolutely hate the fact that I feel like work and money control my life. I hate that my schedule is decided by someone else. One day I'm going to work for myself and do what I want when I want. It's just hard because we need money to survive, right? I hate that. I hate worrying about money and feeling like I'll never be able to afford all the "grown up" stuff. It's hard getting old. I just don't know how to accomplish every thing I want to right now because I have to work to survive and it doesn't seem like there is enough time for anything else but studying. Studying for a degree I'm not sure what I'll do with, but it's something I enjoy... so far.
Do you ever wonder if you're loving the right people? If you're not loving enough? Being the best friend you can be? Today I thought about how selfish I have been lately. I have very little knowledge about what is going on in my friend's lives right now. I'm sorry if you are one of those friends and feel neglected. I really do care about you!!! Promise.
I guess I believe I'm really where I'm supposed to be. And I keep thinking it really is where I'm supposed to be because it's so gosh dang hard! I know life isn't easy. God doesn't make it that way... so I really must be where I'm supposed to be.
I can't really tell if this choke in my throat is because I'm getting sick or because I'm going to cry.
And think it's because I need to cry.

3 comments:

Jason Cloud Bell said...

Jal, you're great!!!

Anonymous said...

jalener, you are the coolest girl ever. I should probably get an identity so I don't have to anonymously leave you these notes. You are a great friend, and lovely person.

marierin said...

I know exactly how you feel.. All your posts i've read, i'm like... wow, she and I are pretty much twins. That is all.