8.18.2009

happy with life.

I imagined my life quite differently than it is right now.

Here I am, just one and a half months shy of turning 22 years of age feeling more like a kid than I did when I was 12. I keep wondering when I will actually feel like an adult. In my teen years I observed others who were at my current age and thought about how incredibly "old" they were. Old. Smart. Married. Independent. Experienced. And then it was like, BAM! I reached that point in my life. And for some reason it feels a whole lot different than I thought it would. I wonder if they felt that same way, or for some reason I’m just incredibly weird and different from the entire population. The bottom line is that the older I get the more stupid I feel.

Stupid?...
Maybe nieve?
Uhhh... try this…
As a teen I thought I knew everything about the world and what it had to offer. Now I feel like I know NOTHING about the world. Somehow in the most information-saturated part of my life I feel completely oblivious to everything. I guess I thought I was supposed to have the world figured out by now.

Do you feel this way?

Through all my insecurities at the current moment, I think I’ve realized this is just the beginning.

-The point in time when you admit that your parents were right about almost everything they told you.

-When you learn that small things are the most important things.

-When a child can teach you more than your college professor.

-When you learn that life is so precious and fragile.

-When you realize there's so much to learn about truly living.

And is it strange to say I hope I feel like this for the rest of my life?

I hope my curiosity never ends. I hope I’m always asking and wondering how things work. I’ve reached a point in my life where I crave learning. Learning about life, people, feelings…

I hope I always feel like I have so much more to learn. I know that if I remain in this state of mind I will never forget to LIVE. There is so much to experience, taste, try, and succeed doing. I mean, I learned how to surf last week!! How cool is that??!

I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m perfectly content with where I am.
Single.
Going to school.
As much as I long to share my life with someone, I’m completely happy being me.
Just me.
Experiencing, learning, failing, laughing, loving, crying, trying…

Aw, the sweetness of how imperfect life is. I’m totally in love with it right now.

13 comments:

jasmine said...

i think it just sounds like you're getting wiser. i've had this epiphany a few times throughout my 20s too. in high school, i had all these plans and timelines for myself. nothing really worked out according to my schedule. at first, i was really disappointed, but it's just so much better this way! everything is SO much better when you just allow things to happen and relinquish control. you have such a great grasp on that concept...even if you can't do it all the time, you understand that it's better that way -to be content with the life you have. i think you're just going to get happier and happier as the years progress. and when you do find someone to share your life with, you'll be able to offer them sooooo much. you're such a dear girl. xoxoxo

Lindsay Kay said...

I agree, learning is absolutely addicting! Thanks for sharing Jalene. "Learn more from my n&ns than I do from my college professor" is one of my "Lindsay's Life Lessons" haha! Have fun on your da-ate! I'm happy that you're happy being you!

Brittany said...

AMEN. I'm so glad I can say I know just how this feels. I hope when I turn 22 in a couple years, I can be just as darling, sure, and strong as you are. Thanks lady.

becca said...

this is an honest post. i feel this way too sometimes. thanks for sharing.

Chess said...

I feel this everyday. Each day that goes by makes me realize how much I don't know, and how important it is to make every moment count. I'm so excited about life right now. I've no idea what's in store for me, but I think that's half the joy of it. Love your last line. Sums up my feelings perfectly!

Rose Red said...

I am 28 and I still don't feel grown up yet. I think it's important to keep the child in us alive!

Sara said...

It's wacky, isn't it? I know people younger than me who are buying houses, getting engaged/married/pregnant whereas I'm going back to school and learning how to pick fights with financial aid.

Everyone does it differently, I guess.

kate lines said...

way to embrace the imperfections. i'm an totally in love right now, too.

OceanDreams said...

I'm going to be 25 and I still feel like I have not figured everything out. Take one step at a time and live your life to the fullest. Looks like you already have and being content is the perfect place to be.

marierin said...

You are definitely not alone in feeling this way(22, single, going to school). I love learning too. How excited are you to get to learn new things all the time, and to progress? I know I am! And I know exactly what you mean about thinking you had life figured out when you're in your teenage years. Ten years ago I pictured myself married with children at the age I'm at. When now, I feel like I'm just starting! Thanks for sharing! It means so much to know there are other people going through what I am too! :)

Melissa said...

I was thinking about this just the other day. 22 seemed like such a sophisticated age when I was younger but now that I'm here, I don't feel any different than when I was 14. I know a lot more now, but I still don't feel like a mature, responsible adult and I don't have half the things I thought I would. Just yesterday I found a great Bryan White quote that really sums it all up...

"We never really grow up, we just learn how to act in public."

So true!

Kenna Christensen said...

i am completely and hopelessly in love with your blog!!!
it is so wonderful!
and i am so happy i discovered it!

Widge said...

I was thinking this the other day too. I'm 29, married with 4 kids and I still feel like I haven't grown up yet...maybe we never will. I suppose it's better than believing we're too old for everything, that would be a sad way to live.