late night thoughts.

i have something to say...

i hate school.

there, i said it.
i could think of about 5 million other things that i would rather be doing with my life right now.  and i could think of just about as many things i would have rather done on my friday night, but instead i stared at a computer screen for 4+ hours purging my brain of recent trends in income, consumption, wealth, employment, and .... something else that i can't remember.
you see what it did to me?
it broke my eyeballs and fired my brain.

am i even making sense?

you see, i really do believe in education.  it's something i value tremendously, and i'm very grateful for it.  but about a semester ago, i realized that i was in the wrong major.  well, it's the right major because i do learn a lot and a lot of it is really applicable to life in general, 
but it's not fun anymore. 
it's only hard,
and boring, 
and dull, 
and time consuming, 
and i feel like i'm not learning anything anymore.  

can you see how that would be frustrating?

besides, i think all my teachers have this evil plot against me to destroy every ounce of capacity in my body by scheduling things due all in the same week.
for instance, this week i had 3 horrendous exams, 2 ginormous papers, and 1 really hard quiz.  next week i have like 3 little assignments and a really easy quiz.
seriously, who does that?
are they trying to steal my sanity?  
well, it's working.
the night ended with me in sobbing tears with strained back muscles, broken eyeballs, and an exploded brain.  
not a great state of being, if i do say so myself.

or maybe their evil plot is to try and fail all the students their last semester so they have to retake classes and pay the university even more money!

i don't know.  what do you think?

thanks for letting me admit that here on cyberspace.
i hope you all have a lovely weekend. 


Chess said...

Me too, Jalene. Me too. :(

Anonymous said...

That's sad. I'm sorry that you're not enjoying your major. I don't blame you. All of that on top of marriage and a long distance engagement are probably super draining. Oh yeah, and then you work full time. Your life makes the Energizer Bunny look like a wimp. But you know what, Jalene? I believe in you! You can do it and you will get through and your life with Lincoln will break the happiness scale with its abundance. I love you and am here for you 100% :) Praying for you.

Michelle said...

At least you will feel relieved when this week is over and the next week is much easier! (But still hard considering everything that you are doing!)

You are so inspiring. I need to suck it up when I complain about my classes. I am taking less units, not working, and not planning a wedding.

Hope your saturday is better!

Jon said...

Sorry your Friday evening was such a "brain frying" experience. But pause a moment and look at it as one of the final steps toward the END of your educational goal, GRADUATION!!!!

You have already taken uncounted tests, exams, and quizes, written numerous papers, and essays, and analyzed all sorts of "stuff" for your teachers. In comparison, you only have a few left to do. What a relief! You've already climbed most of the mountain. You're gonna make it to the TOP.

We love you, Mom and Dad

Thao said...

Oh, dear, I know exactly what you mean. I have to spend my whole glorious weekend at the office completing loads of reading that I'm not even that interested in! Sadness. :( I hope you find some time to relax amid all the yucky.

Sheri said...

School can def. suck. My biology course is quite awful (1st exam in there I scored a 91, but the class avg was 54 which shows you how awful this teacher is). So, I can totally feel the pain. Cheers to spring break coming up!

Talana said...

You are making perfect sense.
And I'm sorry your teachers have oddly synced schedules...
But this too will pass
And one day I am sure you will miss the opportunity of getting this education.
Enjoy what you can; and let go of the rest!
Happy Weekend!

communikate. said...

I'm sorry! Keep going. You're almost there. I seriously regret that stopped going, and now 7 years later feel like an old dud trying to get back into the groove of learning.

Mandy said...

it is easy to get burned out.
i am kind of feeling that way too.
It is worth it though!
Don't give up.

Heidi said...

i completely feel you there!!

marierin said...

Good luck Jalene! You can do it. Just take it one week at a time. You made it through hell week, next week will be a breeze. And only 1.5 months left of this semester. Only 6 weeks. And then you can focus on fun things like lace on your wedding dress and Summer time and Lincoln. All will be well. You are wonderful! Thank you for sharing hard times, it helps me feel not so alone in this crazy journey!

aukergirl said...

I know how you feel, I really do think professors coordinate it so all of your exams/projects fall on the same week. And then they feign innocence, not cool.


Luke & Natalie said...

Dr Lown sucks. Just know the end is near and you'll never have to think of her again. Would you agree that she would be a great candidate for What Not to Wear? I enjoyed her interesting sense of style. That might help class go a little better

brittany barney said...

im sorry, school can be so very frustrating. but at least you are not working full time. trust me it is worse. and you will miss school when you are. i do every day. i guess you always want what you dont have. and i miss USU all the time.