4.21.2010

18 more days

i feel like i complain a lot on this blog.
and i'm sorry if you think so too.

but maybe complaining isn't anything other than observing.

right now i'm observing that i am burned out.  tired.  done.

i can hear my dad asking, "is your candle burning at both ends?"

yes, dad.  it is.  the candle is burning at both ends, and it is almost extinguished.
i think my dad would ask me this question every year of my life.
this is nothing new, people.  my candle is always burning at both ends.


i'm so tired.  like, really tired.  tired.  you got that?  tired.
school is killing me.  and i kind of want to give up.
but i just don't have it really in me to actually give up with 2 weeks left, but i really really want to.

i'm done with the 8 hour assignments that make me hate two column formatting with a passion.
(two column formatting will turn you into a crazy person.)
i'm done with the group projects.
i'm done with the 7 page papers.
i'm done with the quizzes.
i'm done with the exams.

sadly, i'm not literally done with all these things.

so. much. time. and. energy.
i have no more.

i'm having a hard time really enjoying where i am right now.
and i know i should.

but maybe i don't really want to.
and that is making everything else harder.

again, i'm far from perfect.
sometimes i make things harder than they should.


there is just so much to do.

and there is just nothing i can cut out.

blogging? no.  this is my refuge.


how do i not anticipate the end of this?... because i'm going crazy.
crazy with anticipation.  to never have to take a final again.  or do homework.
and to live within 5 miles of lincoln.
the days seem to get longer as the end approaches.
because of the crazy anticipation, i'm thinking.

on monday, a friend in my major asked me to take some graduation pictures for her on campus.
it's been hard for me to really focus on actually graduating because of everything else going on.  as we walked around on that beautiful warm night, i thought about how much the experiences here (at USU) have changed me and how much i love this school.  it seems like i was here such a short time, but forever at the same time.  a part of me will really miss it. 


but most of me is ready to move on.  is that okay?


probably the most delicious thing right now would be a big fat vacation.  i desperately need one.



who has senioritis?  raise your hand!

9 comments:

krista said...

Me ME!!! I have senioritis too!!! The only cure is summer...which is just around the corner...Whoot whoot!

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

You are SO CLOSE! It's almost over!

Chase and Leah said...

This is probably NOT what you want to hear but someday you'll miss it a lot. Chase and I do...not the finals part though. That you never wish you could go back to.

communikate. said...

hope that vacay comes your way quickly! ;)

Chess said...

Oh. Me. TOO.

the NEO-traditionalist said...

You'll be there before you know it! Hang in there, it can be done, and well, I'm sure you'll finish with flying colors! xo katie

the NEO-traditionalist said...

You'll be there before you know it! Hang in there, it can be done, and well, I'm sure you'll finish with flying colors! xo katie

raven said...

oh dear. i have BEEN there. just know that your feelings are totally valid + it's your time to move on because you worked hard to get there. and it's even more unbearable somehow because you are so.darned.close.

good thing for blogs though. you can do it!! just think that this will all be really funny later when you look back on this again in the future. you'll kind of miss it too oddly enough. i guarantee it :)

xo,
raven

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

um I totally and completely feel you. I like the candle burning on both ends... perfect way to describe life right now!