8.30.2012

hello.

Oh, dear.  It's been a while hasn't it?  This is been probably the craziest summer of my life.  I photographed 22 weddings in 16 weeks.  It was a lot.  But it was also amazing.  It is such an amazing thing to have a confirmation that you are doing something you love AND make money for it.  The madness has settled down and I finally have had time to reflect.

This summer has been so wonderful with work, but I am feeling somewhat emotional about how unexciting our life is.  Our life is not glamorous.  Not even close.  The days I am not shooting, I still at my computer (usually in my undies) alllllll day.  Before I know it, it's 5:00 and I try and find something for dinner.  Then we usually watch TV and go to bed.  Except I don't fall asleep for at least three hours because for some reason I've had some weird insomnia come into my life. 

You know how when you're in high school or college, friends are your life.  At least they were for me.  Being basically an only child, I spent a lot of time with friends.  Once you're married, you still spend time with friends, but not every day like in college.  We have some pretty awesome friends who we love spending time with, but with schedules and babies making their way into this world, our time together is getting sparse.  Other couples like us probably spend their time with their families as well.  Well, we see my parents every week or so, which is great.  But every member of Lincoln's immediate family is living in another part of the county/world. 
I'm not going to lie.  I miss them.  A lot.  It would be so nice to just pop in for Sunday dinner and hang out for a couple hours.  We have been very fortunate to see them often, but it's not the same.  Even though we haven't moved away from the places we grew up, we kind of feel like we live "out of state," away from our family.  The time between visits seems to last forever.  I'm excited for them to come home.  (And for Chase & Leah to move back... that's soon, right, even though you just bought a house in Kansas...)  Since Lincoln and I have been married, his parents and younger siblings have been serving a mission.  When I think about all Lincoln and I have experienced and how we have had two years of marriage, it feels like they have been gone for a looooooong time.  And out of those two years, I've spent a collective 30 some-odd days with them when we have gone to visit.  We are so blessed to have them serving in Oklahoma and we love it there, but we really miss them.  *sigh*... less than a year left.  I suppose all of this I'm feeling is my constant battle with that thing called "balance."  It is so hard for me.  If any of you have the answer to this, please share!

Basically, the time between seeing family and us being so wrapped up in life (work, school, laundry, grocery shopping, busyness) seems to go by so fast, yet so slow.  Nephews and little brothers grow up so fast, don't ya know?  And all I feel like I do is stare at a computer screen the majority of my days.  It just feels so underwhelming and lonely.  And it's kind of annoying.  This is why I am going to attempt to blog again... To take the time to reflect and think.  Something I haven't been doing a lot of lately.  Writing can be an incredible outlet.  Especially when lonely (for me).  And there are so many people in the blogging world that I feel particularly attached to and connecting with them has been a very enjoyable part of my life (past and present).

Sounds like I need a good vacation, right?
In about a week we will be flying to Oklahoma to pick up Lincoln's little sister, Abby, from the airport from the return of her mission in Chile.  I am sooooo excited to see her.  I think our family has felt a little incomplete since she has been gone.  It will feel so good to all be together again for the first time since December 2010, even if it's only for one and a half days.
About three weeks after that, Lincoln and I will be traveling to Poland for 12 days.  Lincoln served and LDS mission in Poland and holds a very special place in his heart for the country and people.  It will be a wonderful trip to take together and get to see the place he talks about daily.


So hello, again, dear blog.  Nice to see you again.  I can't make promises of anything glamorous or exciting, so don't expect much, but I'm glad to have you back in my life.


And what kind of photographer would I be if I didn't include a photo... even if it's a ridiculous one:

10 comments:

Anna said...

Keep writing on here, Jalene. I've missed your posts.

Krista & Tyler said...

I know the feeling and it hurts. Especially when I only see my family every year or two, and it's only for a few days. I miss watching my little sister play high school vball and watching my little bro grow up. Especially when I'm at home with a sick little baby and most of my friends are 2500 miles away.
I hear ya. It's hard.
We love you. Come play anytime. You are amazing and so is your insight. Xoxo

Michelle Kay said...

I love your posts. I think you should keep writing. Also, you hair rocks in that pictures. You are beautiful! :)

Kelsie said...

I'm so glad you're back and I'm so glad you're so honest! I was talking with some coworkers about how important it is to have something stimulating every day, or else you go to bed thinking, what did I do? Like you said, kind of mundane and bleck.

Anyway, I'm really really glad you're back and hoping you stay with blogging for a while :) I've misssssssssssed you!

Kaylie said...

Your in laws were two of my friends mission president! It's such a small world! :)

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

Girl, we need to be friends haha. I feel the same exact way. Like my life is all about working, and Trevor's is all about studying. We have to work SO hard to just try and find some actual fun time together. I never thought it would be so difficult to make that time. I don't feel like I have a lot of close friends here, and most my family lives out of state. Thankfully this year I will have my little sister and brother, but there just as busy as me it seems. Ugh, this is such a random transition stage in life. Being newly married, finishing school, working really hard. It feels like you don't have a lot of friends, or time with even your spouse. Your trip will be a lot of fun though :) I hope it lifts your spirits and then we can hang out after? haha I am serious.

Lexie Gates said...

Jalene! I hope you don't think I am a total creeper/weirdo for reading your blog but I did haha and its so sweet! Not to raw or personal. Stuff like this helps people because then they see that they aren't the only ones that say for example feel lonely or feel like their life is unexciting. Now, I know I am only 18 and probably don't have all that wisest of advice BUT I know how you feel on the lonely/unexciting life part of things. This summer I couldnt do any shows or anything that would take me away from my house during the day because I had to baby sit my brother (I dont know if you know this but I have a special needs brother who is 21 who absolutely rocks) which is fine, I have no problem helping my parents out but Michael (my brother) isnt exacly the life of the party haha! Sometimes but not usually!He just likes to watch Hercules over and over again, my whole family has it memorized! Anyways, to get to my point I needed something to do to keep my self entertained! I dance and sing all the time but that gets too tedious after a couple days of dancing in your kitchen. Just cause everyone likes new things to do! So! I decided to learn a new talent! I taught myself to play the guitar! I've always wanted to just never had the time! And I also pulled out the flute, I used to play it so I am just reteaching myself! And I decided I should learn to cook and memorize some recipes before I go off of college! So Pinterest and I have become BFFs haha:) Anyways, I thought in the beginning of the summer it was going to be wasted but let me tell ya I have learned way more in this summer than any other summer! Having alllll this alone time (like you said) gave me an opportunity to kinda figure myself out, learn about myself, have time to think about A LOT of things that needed to be thought about! Also I've found my testimony to grow IMMENSELY because I've had so much time to think about the Gospel, how it pertains to my life, how much it should be in my life, realizing how much the spirit is in my life and how I definitely need it. I was an avid computer sitter but I decided to break the habit and do other things when I could. When I sit on the computer all day I feel like Ive wasted a day so maybe less of that can make your days happier! Get a book you've always wanted to read! I am going to start trying to learn Italian haha! So like, learn a language you've always wanted to speak! Ha go learn Polish, that way when you go to Poland you wont feel like a foreigner! Something else that you could do is, since you're married, you can do cute things for yer hubby, suprise him, make him something, play silly but cute jokes on him when he comes home haha idk! Just a thought! I really hope youre not totally annoyed by this novel, I just kinda feel like I know where you are coming from cause I felt SO lonely at first but trust me all this helps! Just put new things in your life and you'll find that exciting things still happen! One last thing. A high councilman spoke and challenged us to go to the temple ONCE a week and promised our lives would be blessed, I decided I am going to take him up on that offer as difficult as it might be to find a time every week but i think it sounds worth it! So you could try that too!:) I hope this has been some-what helpful and hope you aren't completely freaked out;) Keep blogging its a good hobby!:)

jordanashley said...

Welcome back! In my experience working from home, even when you're doing something you love, can be so lonely. I don't know how stay-at-home mom's do it. I don't know if I could. I think that is a good reason why most artists rent out a studio. Just to get out of the house. Well I'm glad you are posting again and I think you are wonderful!

Lindsay Kay said...

Oh boy. Yep! That's me lately, too. I miss my parents and I NEVER have time for anything but staring at a computer for 8+ hours a day. Balance is a very tricky thing, huh? I love ya, Jalene. Hang in there and let's stick together - date nights, Pilates. We wanna play with you guys asap! :)

andrea said...

oh my, i am so glad i am not the only one that feels this way. i am a newly married girl & am trying to figure out balance myself. and figuring out priorities. and learning where our boundaries are with everything. i feel sometimes like i am being wallowed up by everything that needs to be done, but we still need to see family, but we still need to do homework, but we still need to.... i just feel like it never ends. i hope things are going better sine you wrote this post. i love reading your blog & can't wait for more of your thoughts. :)