how we came about

once upon a time I lay in fetal position in a darkened quiet room--actually it wasn't quiet at all. i was crying. crying, sobbing, wailing, shaking... yes. all of it. i had reached the lowest of lows. the depths, i'm telling you. never before had i felt so completely broken. shattered. and alone.
and i honestly felt, in that moment, i would never recover. never feel whole again. i had been hurt. so. much. everyday was a struggle. it was hard. and exhausting. and all i wanted was to feel okay. i wanted nothing more in this world than for the hurt inside the pit of my chest to go away. if only i could find relief for one single second. i wanted to wake up in the morning without it hurting. but it always did.

time passed.

time is a good thing.

i can't say what really happened.
i prayed a lot.
i believed in myself.
and the future.
took one hard day at a time.
and tried to move on.

everyone told me that was what i was supposed to. and i kept doing it. one day at a time. even though i still didn't feel okay.

then one day. i finally felt healed. i felt better than okay. and i don't think it happened overnight. i just finally felt at peace. i wasn't worried about anything and finally felt completely content being me. remember?

july 12.

this happened to be the very first day lincoln and i met.
a friend of mine from high school had returned from a 2 year mission in Poland for our church.
lincoln also served in Poland with my friend.
and by the first day we met, i mean the first day lincoln met me.
you see, lincoln and i went to the same high school.
he was a year older than me and the quarterback. so naturally i knew who he was, and naturally he did not know me.
so let me rephrase...
ahem...it was july 12 and lincoln met me for the first time.
the healed me.
not much went through my head that day. maybe just a little of this,
'my, my, my he sure is handsome... and i think he might've been the quarterback. yep, can't really remember. and there is no chance in heck for me, but my, my, my, he looks dang good in that gray suit. and that smile... wow.'

we chatted a little at the homecoming. i attempted to speak Polish. we ate. i left.

and i went on with my life expecting nothing--so happy to finally feel better than okay.
and then our mutual friend called me one evening saying,
"hey! so you remember lincoln at my homecoming? he thinks you're pretty cute and wants your number. can i give it to him?"
i can't really remember how i reacted, but i think it consisted of a lot of giggling, blushing, and disbelief.

oh, and i said yes.

our first date would occur almost a month later on wednesday, august 19.
and it wasn't magically perfect or blissful in any way.
i remember dancing in my room before he came to black-eyed peas "gonna be a good night" to get myself pumped up and also calmed down so i wouldn't wet myself at the sight of him.
we got in the car and drove to get ice cream.
he was rambling on about something as we stopped at the light on the corner of 200 west and 5th south. i turned and stared at his face, his perfect smile, and the only thought i had was i knew i would be comfortable around him. at least for the night. and that was all that mattered.

it was all very strange how i felt.
but yet... incredibly comfortable.
it took me by surprise because i could feel he had depth to him, that he was humble, and so very kind.
completely refreshing.

after ice cream and a scary movie (during which, he grabbed my hand because he was scared)
he took me home.

on the drive he kept mentioning how "amazing" the stars were that night. i took the hint and invited him to star gaze in my backyard.
we didn't click instantly or have amazing conversations that first night.
but i felt comfortable while simultaneously feeling completely intimidated by him.

i'll never forget the moment he turned to me in random conversation and said,
"may i give you a kiss?"
i thought it was completely adorable and with a smile on my face i said, "mmm, yes."

{i also thought, "OH MY GOSH!!! I JUST KISSED LINCOLN TAYLOR!" hah.}





and this, my friends, is how we came about.

and obviously the story doesn't end here.





do you want to know something?

every single day
in some way i don't know
i fall more madly in love with him.

it never ends.
and it's completely exhilarating.

this is only the beginning.

**i know i probably sound completely sappy and ridiculous lately. but this is my blog. my journey. my life. my love story.
if it's too sappy for you, then don't read.

for now, this is what comes when i want to write. and i know i'll want to remember it.
so, this is why i'm writing this story.**

p.s. i've never been so completely happy in my life. i'm so excited to be mrs. taylor.